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The B Word, Part 2

Many couples resist creating a wedding budget, even if they believe it would be helpful. Depending on your money mindset and personal history, creating a budget can feel daunting, maybe even scary, for many reasons. My clients cite some of the following reasons they avoid the B Word:

1. Creating a budget will prevent us from having our dream wedding This assumes that you and your partner believe spending a certain amount of money is required in order to have a dream wedding. I encourage you to really think about this and discuss what a dream wedding means to you as a couple. There are usually a few non-negotiables and everything else is significantly less important.

2. We want to be open to all of the possibilities I want to offer the opposite: working together to build a budget created constraint – but constraint creates creativity, not inflexibility. A budget can actually make it easier to make decisions. For example, if you and your partner have decided to keep your budget under $10,000, you might assume you can’t have your dream venue. But – you might also employ some creativity and have your wedding on a Friday night or a Saturday morning. For my second marriage, we got married on a Sunday morning and it was perfect for us – AND we stayed within our budget. Need some more inspiration to constrain your wedding decisions? See how they worked for other people here. 3. I am afraid talking about money will cause conflict It might. You might disagree. But there will be other times in your relationship that you don’t agree with each other’s thoughts, feelings and actions. And, it’s totally ok. This is a great time to practice listening to each other. If you approach this discussion as an opportunity to get to know your partner instead of an opportunity to fight, you are much more likely to have a productive conversation. When you feel negativity creeping in, try taking a deep breath and repeating one of these mantras to yourself (or out loud!):

· We are on the same team · It’s interesting to hear my partner’s ideas · I want to learn about my partner · I’m curious about where he/she is coming from · I love my partner, even when our opinions are different 4. Someone else is paying for the wedding/contributing to the wedding, so money doesn’t matter. It is wonderful to have generous people who can help you pay for your wedding, but this is still a great time for you and your partner to practice your money mindset. How do you make decisions together? How do you reconcile when you have a difference of opinion? It would also be interesting to consider why someone else’s money would hold less value than if you were spending your own funds.

I’ve said it before – how you do one thing is how you do everything, so if discussing your wedding budget feels daunting, managing those feelings now is likely to save you a lot of stress in the future!

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