Money is one of the most common things for couples to fight about – and it’s a big deal when you are planning to get married. Have you and your partner discussed how much you would like to pay for your wedding? Notice my word choice here: how much would you LIKE to pay? This is important because I want you to be super excited to give people your money. In fact, every time you exchange your money for a product or service, I want you to be smiling. I want your money to be used in your service. If this is a new concept for you, it’s time to examine your relationship with money. Money can be a complicated topic; in fact some couples never discuss money or create a budget because they are too afraid! Let’s take some time to remove the fear and get clear on your money beliefs. From this space of self-awareness, you can have a much better conversation with your partner.
Step 1: Be Curious Approach this exercise from the 30,000 foot vantage point; you are simply an observer of your thoughts. If your inner dialogue offers you judgement or absolutes, just write it all down without editing. Take a few minutes to journal the following:
What messages did I get about money in my childhood?
What is it like to earn money? Easy? Difficult?
What is the purpose of money?
How do you feel about spending money? Can you name your top 3 favorite purchases?
How do you feel about saving money?
What is the relationship between money and happiness?
Be honest with yourself. There are no right or wrong answers, feelings or reactions. This is all simply interesting information to know about yourself.
Step 2: Consider the Story Consider the possibility that some of these thoughts are no longer needed. Everything you answered above is part of your money story. Is everything you wrote down still true for you? Is there anything you would change? For example, do you want to value saving in a different way? You get to decide how to tell your story, how your past will impact your present and what story you will tell in the future.
Write down 1 word that explains your Current money story. Here are some examples:
Empowered, Excited, Positive, Energized, Pleasurable, Value, Grateful, Earned, Activated Disenchanted, Hard, Frustrated, Annoyed, Scarce, Stressed, Drained, Empty, Defeated
Write down 1 word that explains your Future Money story. You can use the same examples from above if that is helpful.
Step 3: Clarify Beliefs Armed with the information about your money beliefs, you can plan your wedding from this future focus. This is really important. Your past money story could be acting frugal and rarely spending money, however your future money story can be about beautiful experiences; focus on the future. Your money story is not dictated by your past. Consider how to implement your future money story on all of the aspects of your wedding, such as the number of attendants, venue, entertainment, clothing, etc.
Step 4: Create the Budget Now, you are ready to put some numbers to your budget so you can create your dream wedding and stay grounded in your future money story.
If this is an area where you are struggling, book a free Discovery session and let’s see if we can get to the bottom of your money beliefs.